I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
