it hurts more in the daytime
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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