Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
