Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
