Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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