So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize