During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
