1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
