Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
