I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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