Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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