I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
