You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
