hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
