dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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