Where are you?
In a non slutty way
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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