do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
