sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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