You really coming over, don't trick.
I just pynch a tree in the face
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
