I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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