i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize