Buhtt sex?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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