Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
