This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
