We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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