idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I have post one night stand depression
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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