ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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