I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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