foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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