Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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