I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
