I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Be still, my beating vagina.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
