so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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