So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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