Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
