I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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