I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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