FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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