sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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