Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
