I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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