My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize