I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize