you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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