I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
