New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
