The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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