I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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