dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
