I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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