I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
