spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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