i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
