planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
