He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
