We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
