My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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