I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
