dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
