Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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