Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
