oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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