I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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