you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
