Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
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