I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
