How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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