"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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