Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
